Gay cruising etiquette: what to expect in the bushes

Gay men have been looking for quick thrills in secluded settings for many centuries. In the past, you couldn’t bring your lovers home if you were trying to hide your sexuality. You could, however, try your luck with some passing trade on Hampstead Heath: it’s all over and done with quite quickly, and you return to your normal life as if nothing happened.

Some gay men still engage in old school cruising, even though they’re out of the closet and have access to Grindr. There's something a little bit more exciting, a little more dangerous about cruising. Here’s what to expect in the gay cruising areas of the world, and some tips on how to conduct yourself.

Cruising in the bushes

If you’re cruising in Paris’ Bois de Boulogne or London’s Hampstead Heath, wear sensible shoes and bring the relevant protection (condoms, prep). As you make your way into the cruise-y bit of the park, you’ll notice men wandering through the pathways, looking for other men. You’ll also see people standing stationary in the bushes; some may be giving very clear signs that they’re looking for action. But how can you really tell if someone is interested, and how do you engage them?

The main thing to look out for is eye contact. For example, if you’re on a date with someone and they maintain eye contact, they’re probably interested (especially if their pupils dilate). If they keep breaking eye contact or avoiding it at all costs, they’re probably not interested.

Back to cruising. You’ve got your eye on the hot guy who just walked past you again, but did he lock eyes with you and hold eye contact for a good few seconds? That means he’s intrigued. Did he walk past you twice without meeting your eye? Move on to the next one.

As a general rule, the chaps pleasuring themselves in the bushes are often the types who’ll do anything with anyone. Oh, and some people really like watching.

What’s the difference between cruising and cottaging?

Glad you asked. Cruising refers to searching for partners in outdoor or public places such as parks, beaches, or streets. It involves walking or lingering in specific areas known for this purpose. Cottaging refers specifically to engaging in sexual encounters in public restrooms or “cottages” (a British slang term). It often involves meeting in the enclosed and private spaces of public bathrooms.

Cottaging is more risky, as George Michael discovered one sunny afternoon in LA. Engaging a complete stranger in an enclosed space, like a restroom, is not for the faint-hearted. It takes a hell of a lot of self-confidence to go there. If you’re confident enough to do it you don’t need our advice. But since you asked: it tends to begin with eyes darting in the direction of the adjacent urinal. If the adjacent eyes meet yours and then shift their focus to another part of your anatomy, you may well have scored. Seasoned cottagers will usually take their new friend into a cubicle and lock the door. Flushing the toilet can be an effective way of muffling the sound of your exertions.