A maze full of warnings
Didn't have too many expectations before visiting this place. I've read some reviews online and thought to myself "It can't be that bad!"
Truth is : the «Sauna Labyrint» in Prague is even worse!
I've never - and I've been to many gay bath houses in my life before - had to go through a To Do-List, before even getting into the locker room. But my advice: You better consider reading «Sauna Labyrint»'s instructions for «First time visitors» on their website carefully prior to a visit
The Labyrint is a maze from the start
It’s one of these lazy, rainy Friday afternoons in Prague in January. «Why not check out that place then», I thought to myself. So I finally stand outside the entrance on the Pernerova street. Not the best neighborhood I shall say.
Anyway, I ring the doorbell, descend to the another door downstairs, where I have to ring another bell. I find myself in a narrow hallway and seriously don’t know what to do next. Out of the blue I hear a voice behind my back. I turn around and vaguely recognize a rather young looking guy peaking at me out of a window. In a harsh tone he demands an entrance fee of 300 Czech crowns – not to much eyh - and hands me an electronic key-wristband, a rather small towel plus a condom. I have to pay extra for another towel. While I think to myself, what might happen if I decided to have sex and needed another condom…would I have to return to the front desk again to buy another one? Strange, since it is common in gay saunas across Europe to offer complimentary condoms. HIV and STDs are still an issue after all. Anyway, while these thoughts run through my head suddenly the young guy shuts his window with a loud BANG leaving me completely puzzled and left alone in that narrow hallway.
«NO-Symbols» everywhere
I then proceed through a turnstile, that has to be opened by using my electronic key. Why on earth do they want me to do that? Do clients run away without paying their bills otherwise? That wouldn’t speak for the clientele to be quite honest. The way to the lockers is interrupted again by a bench. Seriously! You have to climb over this awkward bright red, where you spot a prominent «NO SHOES BEYOND THIS POINT» -sign attached to it. Actually the whole place is covered with such signs. «Don’t do that» here «Don’t do that» there…am I in preschool again? I assume the owner must have grown up during communism-times. The lockers in front of me are big and spacious. However, there is no other bench to sit down and untie your shoes. I guess, when a lot of guys enter or exit the club at the same time, this will get very crowded and uncomfortable in here. For people like me who aren't that young and fit anymore, this can be hazardous.
Relax without pissing
After getting all nude (that’s what they demand on another «No Sign» I continue to the next narrow hallway. Right in front of me I spot two showers plus two shower gel dispensers – I will find out later, that these are the only dispensers in the whole building. I take a mandatory shower - yes, you guess right, there is an according sign attached to the wall next to it - and proceed to the wellness area. First of all I have to say, that it does look clean in here. The interior has a bit of an eighties/ nineties look and here and there you can spot moldy areas in corners and on the ceiling, but I’ve seen worse! I’ve seen much better too however! There are two saunas ( one Finnish, one Bio) that are ok – no fancy stuff here, you would find thes kind of saunas also at IKEA to build them yourself I am sure. Then there is a Japanese steam-bath, meaning, that everybody sits on an individual seat. That’s ok for straight saunas, but in gay saunas I’d prefer something more «cuddly». You will find that in the «Steam Labyrinth» which gave the club its name. Sort of like a darkroom filled with smelly steam where you can grab some men. I’ve seen much better places than this. On the wall you will find NO-Signs like «DO NOT USE SAUNA AS TOWER DRIER» (yes word for word ) or « DO NOT PISS ONTO THE HEATING UNIT»! This seriously made me burst out laughing! Best part of the wellness-area is the spacious whirlpool. It shuts down after a while, so you will have to turn it back on. This wouldn’t be a problem, if the according button wouldn’t get stuck all the time. The wellness area is no place for relaxation I assume. I couldn’t spot any chairs to just lie down. One might has to get up another floor in order to do that, and that’s what I will do right now.
The dark side of the maze
Following another dozen warning signs I climb up another narrow stairway to the upper floor, where the cabins are. Why is it so dark in here? Don’t get me wrong, I understand that most guys prefer dimmed lights in these kinds of club, but it is literally pitch-black in here. It’s funny, that a lot of guys make big fuzz about using public toilets, complaining how unhygienic they are, then again they stretch out in one of these sleazy cabins not even knowing if they lie in a puddle of sperm left over by the guy before. Disgusting! Other saunas I’ve visited are lit enough, so you can see if the beds inside of these cabins are clean or not. They also offer some disinfectant and towels to clean the mattress yourself before indulging in sexual games.
If you are looking for a blue movie cinema, you would also find it upstairs. At least that’s what it says on «Sauna Labyrint»’s website. I didn’t care to look for it, because I think that kind of cinema is outdated. By the way: Still no relaxing chairs!
Where are the guys?
Being a Friday afternoon on a rainy day, you would think, the place is jammed with people. Well I do spot some guys here and there. Most of them are from their mid 40ies upwards, which is ok. The younger guys probably do it for money as well – at least I did not see any warning sign, that prohibits prostitution. The core place for me in one of these clubs is always the bar. It is here where you mingle with other visitors, where you have a chat, a flirt an eye contact. Usually the bar is also the place where I want to calm down. The bar at «Sauna Labirynt» has more of a Disco-Feeling to it however. Forget about cozy couches and a nice cup of coffee. There are chairs and Tables inside and even a bar to order a beer or one of the many alcoholic beverages. Other than that, no place to hang out for too long.
Come in but don't feel welcome!
Now let's get to the worst part: The owner! He is that rather small, bulky and bald guy who was described in a lot of reviews before mine. If it was for him, you better leave your money at the front door. He is the sort of guy you would not want to meet in a dark corner of the street late at night. He stands there right behind the bar with one of the professional masseurs of the club. My thought from way back when I entered the club rushes to my mind again. This time I feel reassured, that this gay must have grown up in the communist area. I don’t even think he is gay. He is just one of these guys who wants to make money out of his club. The young guy who peaked at me from the window after I had entered the club works also as the barman. The three guys don’t take notice of me when I enter the bar. No problem, I didn’t ask for it, but I would have expected a «Hello» at least. After «begging» for a drink, I also ask the barman, if the club provides something like hair gel. That’s what I am used from all the gay clubs I’ve been before. There you would also find a vanity desk to get ready for the outside world again. Not at «Sauna Labyrint»! There is only one sleazy hairdryer hanging from a hook in the locker room. Anyway, the barman looks all flabbergasted into my face, turns around to his bulky bald headed boss and repeats my request to him in Czech language. I did not expect a positive answer after what I have experienced in this joint so far, but what follows is just unbelievably rude. If looks would kill, I’d be dead by now. The guy starts swearing at me in his mother tongue, making obvious gestures with his hands to point out how stupid I am. I stand there like an idiot, feeling completely embarrassed and mistreated. I decide to leave immediately and I certainly will not come back.
My conclusion
This place is a rip off. The Boss does not like foreigners, the joint itself is not inviting and comfortable. If there is nothing better to do in Prague and if you are desperate for some action, there certainly are better places. The Labyrint claims to be the biggest sauna in town, but if you are wise enough, you know that bigger isn't always better.
The Pros and Cons
+ spacious wellness area
+ Clean enough
+ Mixed ages
+ Plenty of cabins
+ Big whirlpool
- it says newly renovated but still looks like back in the 80ies/90ies
- Nowhere to stretch out your legs and relax after sauna or steam bath
- Warning signs and reminders everywhere, some of them ridiculously stupid
- Very rude staff especially towards foreigners
- It can take some time to get there ( not in town center)
- No dressing table, no hair gel nor hair brush, a single hair dryer hooked up on the wall next to a mirror
- Very few showers and only the one right next to the locker room providing shower gel
- Very dark cabins
- Narrow locker room
- Terrible bar atmosphere